It's been forever...

I realize it's been a year and like 2 months since I've updated this thing. In that year a LOT has happened...

I got a new job, as a maid. It's nowhere near as easy as I thought it would be, but, it's also not terribly complex. I love it, to an extent, but I know I don't wanna clean for the rest of my life. 

I got a kitty. His name is Dimetri, and he's all black with 2 cute white spots. He keeps me sane. Nights like tonight, he keeps me company when I'm sleeping alone, and it's so nice to have something that fully relies on me to provide for it. Also, he's cute and fuzzy, and a cat, sooooo win.

I'm working on my depression. I'vs gotten to the point where I don't sleep all day on weekends, and I don't cry all the time. I give a lot of the credit for that to Metri, and Danny. They keep me pretty balanced. It's amazing what constant contact with the ones you love can do. 

Finally, a few people seem to believe that I go out of my way to be in their business. When really, they openly tell me what's going on, without my probing. Then, if it's a secret, and it gets out, I'm automatically thought to be the one that let it be known to the world. I find it amusing, cause unless this happens, I just keep my mouth shut. I don't need extra drama. I've got my own crap to deal with, so asking me to flat out lie, will only work, until you accuse me of not lying for you. Honestly,  I hate lying. I hate being lied to, so why should I go out of my way to lie, after you accuse me of "telling on you"? Like, it's never truly my place to say anything anyways, but yeah, I guess I'll be a bitch if you're gonna treat me like that, and actually confirm that the truth is in fact true, when asked. I'm not someone who goes around looking for drama, I literally have maybe 5 friends, who I actually consider true friends and talk to on a daily basis. Other than that I maybe talk to a few other people, on occassion. But I don't trust them with anything, and I don't go out of my way to find out what's wrong with any of them. I guess you could say, I've learned a lesson, and that lesson is that I shouldn't promise to keep secrets. And I won't anymore. I'm not Gretchen Wilson. My hair is not so big because it's full of secrets, it's just naturally terrible lol. 

And with that, I end this post. Goodnight blogosphere. I'll try to write more in the near future ♡

Working hard, or hardly working...

I got a job, and I absolutely LOVE it :D

I go to this factory, and sort through books for 5 hours a day, Monday through Friday. If I do well enough, they'll likely give me more hours here and there. So, seeing as I made quota today, and plan to do so on a regular basis, I may have some 10 hour days, which is awesome, cause I love what I do :)

I don't have to talk to people. I don't even really have to deal with people. Just books. My quota is 800 books in a 5 hour period. And I got to 828 today, which is awesome as all hell xD

Well, now that I'm in an amazing mood, I'm gonna get my butt to bed, so I can wake up for another amazing day of work :) 10:30 am is probably my favorite time in the world, cause it means it's time to wake up and go to a job, which I'm in absolute love with :D

Sometimes, I Really Hate People...

I have 2 facebooks. For one specific reason. I don't want to offend my family with some of the stuff I post. Because I have different world views than them.

And I have this blog. Where I write when I'm incredibly pissed, or struggling with my depression, or happy, or just feel like writing.

I'm writing this because people who haven't been in my life for almost 6 months feel they need to tell my dad about my blog, that I'm not afraid about him knowing about. Dude knows I have a blog. I'm not writing shit he can't read. I mean, you google my name, and it pops up. We already have a rocky relationship, and that's partially my fault, cause I haven't always been the best daughter. Why would I go out of my way to further the problems we have had? If I have something to say to him, I say it, to HIM.

Sure, we've had points in time where I've been hurt by him, and he's been hurt by me, but he RAISED me. He's my daddy. I know I'm not perfect and I make mistakes constantly. But I'm trying to fix that shit.

And with as bad as my depression has been getting, the last thing I need is people causing us to have problems again. I love that man to death. He may not be the best at showing emotion, but I know he loves me too. And I'm tired of people trying to butt in and make things harder than they already are.

It hurts me that people are going out of their way to make me out to be this spiteful bitch towards him, because he's always been a big part of my life, and the older I get, our relationship gets more distant. I don't need people making it worse, by trying to put their two cents in. You people don't know me. You don't know what I post. You don't read my fucking blog, obviously, because you let him believe it's full of hatred. I don't think there's a single hateful word towards him in any of my posts. So, mind your own damn business, and stop trying to make my life harder than it already is.

I struggle on a daily basis. Just getting myself out of bed is a chore. All I wanna do is sit at home, and cry most days. But I force myself out of bed, and I force myself to leave the apartment and to see people. I force myself to go out and do applications for jobs. I have to distract myself from some really fucked up thoughts. It doesn't sound like that big of a deal to most people, but I have to force myself to even look in a mirror and say nice things about myself. I have emotional and sometimes even mental issues I'm trying to work through. I tell myself I'm worthy of everything I want in life, but I can't make myself believe it, when I see my dad, and I'm legitimately excited to talk to him, but he seems distant because some asshole is telling him I'm saying not nice things about him, in a blog that they know absolutely nothing about.

As stupid as it sounds, I just want him to approve of something I'm doing with my life. But I actually have to accomplish something so he can. And with people shit talking about me, without even knowing the first thing about me, I can't help but hate myself. Because at one point in my life, I was a spiteful little bitch, and I did try to pawn all my problems off as his fault. But they were never his fault, they were my own fault. He's never been the cause of my problems. They've all been my fault. It may have taken me a while to figure that out, but I figured it out, and stopped trying to blame him or anyone else for things I caused.

So, please, for the love of Gandhi, stop trying to ruin our relationship! I did enough of that on my own. I don't need you adding fuel to that fire, while I'm trying to put it out...

Steubenville, Ohio RAPE

     I know it's been a while, but I need to rant, and this whole situation is completely FUCKED UP!!!

I'm so very happy that we live in a society where it's apparently COMPLETELY fine to stand around and watch as a highly intoxicated and UNCONSCIOUS girl is raped. Not only is that okay, but it's apparently okay that the kids that stood around and WATCHED her get raped, took pictures, and videos of it happening and POSTED them online. They also felt the need to tweet and post about it ALL over the internet. And to top all that off, the mainstream media is making the boys who raped her out to be the real victims because they've been sentenced to ONE WHOLE FUCKING YEAR in Juvenile Hall, and they have to register as sex offenders for the rest of their lives. Oh and don't forget, they won't be allowed to play football in college....


BOO FUCKING HOO! These boys deserve a LOT worse than a measly year in Juvie, and having to register as sex offenders. I honestly think they should be in jail for life without parole. But noooo. These boys are VICTIMS. And the kids that stood around and watched, well they're just kids, and because they were drinking, they didn't realize that what was happening was wrong. FUCK THAT. Those assholes KNEW it was wrong, they just didn't give a flying fuck, because the girl was apparently a 'slut' to begin with. I'm sorry, but a person's lifestyle, and how they dress, does NOT in any way shape or form justify them being raped. She was so drunk, that she passed out, and these boys are just like, oh hey, let's fuck her, she can't say no, so it's consensual. NOOOOOOOOO! It's NOT CONSENSUAL! Unless she is aware of her surroundings and able to speak clearly, and can walk around without falling over, she CAN'T give consent. She either has to say, "yes, I wanna do this." Or be physically active in the situation, by her own free will. An unconscious person can't hold a conversation, so how they got that she wanted them to do that shit to her, is a complete miracle to me. Apparently, we can all have clear conversations after drinking so much that we pass the fuck out. I didn't even know that was fucking possible, but it apparently is. 

I just find it so fucking sad that we as a society see something like this happening and instead of doing the morally right thing, and stopping it, it's now ACCEPTABLE to egg it on, and make the girl who's being raped out to be the real bad guy in the whole situation. Yes, how dare she be unconscious and magically ask two boys to take advantage of her. How dare she wear a skirt to a party. She's a slut, she had it coming. Or she was asking for it. The people who have rationalized the fact that these boys RAPED her while she was unconscious, by somehow pinning the blame on her, are just so fucking ridiculous. Like how do you rationalize rape? Oh well it's okay, she was a slut. She puts out all the time anyways. What's one time while she has no idea this shit is happening to her gonna hurt? 

I WOULD give props to the boy who said they needed to stop, but I can't because as soon as he realized nobody was gonna have his back, he shut up and let it happen. This shit is unacceptable. Especially, since there are adults saying that the kids who were watching and the boys who were performing were consuming alcohol, they didn't know that what they were seeing/doing was wrong. BULL SHIT! I don't care what you think happens to their minds and morals when kids drink, they still understand that rape is wrong. They still know what's right and what's wrong in general. They just take a little longer to process it. Yet, for some reason, I just know that the kids that stood around watching and recording and snapping pictures, aren't gonna get any kind of punishment. And that's fucked up for two reasons. 1. THEY WITNESSED A RAPE AND DIDN'T TRY TO HELP HER.  And 2. In Ohio, it's against the law to fail to report a crime, if you witness it. Posting videos and pictures online for millions of people to see, is NOT reporting the crime. Reporting the crime is calling the police and telling them what's going on. And the boys who raped her, they KNEW what they were doing was sick and twisted, and just fucking WRONG, they just didn't give a fuck. 

I really thought that society was better than this. We all know rapists are not good people, so why the fuck should I feel bad for these boys? They're scum. They went out of their way to ruin a girl's life. And that's exactly what they've done. They've scarred her for life, and she's probably gonna need a shit ton of therapy just for being raped. Gandhi only knows what the being treated like this was all her fault is gonna do to her. Honestly, my biggest worry at this point, is her well-being. I know she has to be going through a LOT of emotional and mental crap right now, and I hope and pray that she fights through it all, and is able to say she survived, because I know a LOT of people would decide to end their lives the second they not only found out they were raped (Because she was unconscious and had NO idea it happened), but they also are apparently to blame for two assholes taking advantage of her. 

I have no fucking hope for humanity at this point, at all. This is bullshit, those boys should be put away for a hell of a lot longer, AND the kids who stood around and watched and did nothing to save her, should be put away for at LEAST 3 years, just because they were heartless bastards who didn't do a FUCKING thing to help a girl who was physically unable to help herself...

**** Also, I hate using the word bastard. I think it's rude and is probably one of my least favorite words in the world, but this just pisses me off to no end. I don't understand how people can be so fucking heartless, and just CRUEL. GAHHH FUUUUUCKKKK!

Amanda Todd?

         Am I the only one that doesn't see Amanda Todd as a slut deserving of death? I mean she was 13 when this all started. When people made her feel good about herself, and as a naive 13 year old, it can be expected that she would make the mistake of flashing people online. Especially since they were strangers, and she didn't think that they'd know where she lived, or what schools she would be attending. To think that somebody would blackmail her, wasn't even plausible to her. Why would she think such a thing would happen, when they were always so nice to her? 
Sure, millions of people commit suicide, because they are bullied, or are mad, but how many times do people commit suicide because they've been blackmailed to the point of getting harrassed at school for ONE mistake. She made that one mistake (flashing people online) and some asshole took it upon himself to send pictures of it to everyone she went to school with, and they treated her like shit, so she moved schools, and he somehow sent them to her new classmates as well. That's fucking insanity in and of itself, why would you continuosly ruin someone else's life? THEN this boy acts like he gives a damn about her, she finds out he has a girlfriend, and is heartbroken, so when he asks her to come hang out, she of course (having been rejected by everyone else in her schools) goes over thinking it'll be okay. Then he talks her into hooking up with him. Yes, it was a poor decision on her part, but he made her feel wanted, and to somebody who feels unwated, that means a LOT more than, "Oh he has a girlfriend." What's worse? He tells his girlfriend about it, and just sits back and watches as she gets the shit beat out of her, because she made TWO idiotic decisions. Not only that, but people told her they wish she'd just die already. 
I'm sorry if you fail to see why this is such a big issue, but the fact that kids who are barely 16 are wishing someone would die, egging them on in their suicidal thoughts and attempts, is just FUCKED UP! Why would you do that? What justifies that? And are all of you who have done the SAME damn things, really that much better than her? If she deserved to die, don't you think you deserve the same? You can't sit back and call her a slut, if she's had what? ONE known sexual partner, and a few instances of flashing strangers, and you've had countless sexual partners. She was also into drugs, whatever they may have been, which leads me to believe that she had so much trouble coping with the fact that everyone she knew hated her, that she just wanted an escape. 
If you fail to see why this one girl is getting so much attention, let me spell it out for you. She was pushed, by people her own fucking age to commit suicide. And quite frankly I applaud the fact that she put up with so much hate for 2 fucking years. Yes, some of us have been through worse, but over long periods of time, with a little rest in between instances. She became a recluse because she couldn't go to any school without being blackmailed by some creep who gets off by ruining young girl's lives. 
And another thing, do ANY of you know how fucking hard it is to go through with killing yourself? It takes a REALLY fucking strong person to be able to take their own life and be able to be okay with that. I personally struggle with suicidal thoughts and tendencies on a daily basis, and I can't even imagine the willpower she must have had, to take that final plunge into a painless existence. She was no coward. She was stronger than any of you will ever be, because she had the courage to say FUCK YOU ALL and just end her suffering for once and for all. I highly doubt that any of you could put up with what she endured. I know I couldn't. People get crueler and crueler EVERY year, and nobody does anything to help the kids that get the worst of it. Seriously, her principle offered her counseling, that's it. They didn't offer to suspend or even punish the kids doing this to her. They didn't offer any kind of refuge. They never do. The most a school will do is threaten to punish a student, and hope that a threat is good enough to get them to stop. I know, I've been there, they send you to the counselor's office once a week, and tell the kids that they're getting a warning this time, then they get another warning, and another one. They never actually get any kind of substantial punishment, because why do schools need to give a fuck about ONE student? They only care that the grades the students get average at a high enough level to keep their funding. 
Amanda Todd isn't the only one that the system forgot to give a damn about, but I certainly hope that teachers start reaching out to the students who don't seem to have anybody, because this NEEDS to stop. I personally don't like hearing that KIDS are egging on each other to commit self harm, or suicide. It's like a bad movie, that never ends. Suicide isn't a fucking joke, and if you've ever thought or attempted suicide, you'd know that. Those of you that HAVE thought about and HAVE attempted suicide, maybe even succeeded but were found just in time to be saved, you have NO room to talk down on her. She may be a slut in your eyes, but if you've tried to kill yourself, and say she deserved to die, you're a hypocrite, and maybe just maybe you shouldn't have survived your attempts. You're scum, and quite frankly, I can't believe I've ever associated with you people. 

The media

The media fills us with so much crap. It's a bully really... Think about it. They tell us that to be the ideal girl we have to be 20 pounds, have huge tits, and an ass that's the size of a peanut. Then they tell guys to be assholes, and that they have to be buff, and look like Zac Efron of Justin Beiber to get girls. It's crap. I don't know a single person who isn't beautiful or handsome in their own special way. Seriously, I don't. Nobody is ugly unless their personality is shit, and then that's not even physical, it's their social skills that suck.

I read 17 magazine, but only for the horoscope, real life stories, and the informative articles. It's the only magazine (that I've found) that tells girls they are beautiful no matter what size they are.

What lead me to sitting here to rant about this stupid shit? Facebook. Why? Because so many  of my friends post shit about wishing that they were better looking. Idgaf what you look like, if you're a nice person, and you don't act like you're the greatest person in the world, you're already beautiful or handsome. Sure some people are born with oddly 'perfect' bodies, but a lot of the time they're ugly on the inside. Which is where true beauty is found. So quit judging yourself. Find ways to make yourself feel beautiful without being unhealthy. I legit stand in front of my mirror naked and point out the things I love about my body. Focus on the good and the 'bad' will slowly dissipate. Just saying.

I shot a little girl today...

      I almost quit my job today, for various reasons, we will not talk about. I also almost beat my phone to a pulp, because I got annoyed at people texting and asking stupid shit. Like really? Why are you asking such retarded questions? For instance, Corey asked if I left him because there's another guy... REALLY? I would have mentioned that. I don't go around lying to people about stupid shit. Gandhi, what the hell. So I replied, "No, there isn't another guy. I think if there were, the entire world would know, because I don't exactly have a private life." No reply from him... So he either thinks I'm lying, or he just doesn't know how to respond. Either way, I'm annoyed. 


     I think the only time I haven't been annoyed all week, was last night. I chilled with Zach for a little, and then I hung out with his brother and some of his friends. It was entertaining... Now I'm waiting for 4:30 to get here so I can go to Brandy Boo's wedding reception... Should probably be getting ready for that haha...Merrr


Listening to little bird by shoe. Making me feel a little better. 


I feel like the old me is dead and gone, and there's this new, wild Dez, that's been waiting to come out and play. It's nice. I'm not doing this whole playing nice anymore. I'm tired of it. I'm gonna put all caution to the wind, and well I'm gonna live my fucking life. 




4:06- I'm ready to go, but I realize, that if I leave now, I'll have an entire hour of sitting in my car XD So, I'm waiting to go... The whole entire time I'm sitting here, my parents are saying "don't drink and drive." Like seriously. I'm 19. If I'm gonna drink, I'm not coming HOME, let alone anywhere that requires DRIVING. I'm not retarded. Merr. Plus, it's a wedding reception for two people who are about my age... I highly doubt there's going to be alcohol involved. but what evs. They're parents, they know EVERYTHING haha. well I guess I'll go cause people are already there merr XD

Just a quote <3

'In your absence my heart grows stronger. In your presence I fall in love again'

Nyeh

It's been a while! Sorry guys, but all I can think to post is mushy shit, and nobody wants to hear or read about that!
I'm so fucking bored! Sitting outside work, just begging for something to do! Like I'd be up for almost anything right now. But people never text back, when I'm actually free. They always hit me up when I'm working, but when I'm off... Nothing. It's kind of annoying. But what evs. Life goes on.
I lost my best friend this week... All because I can't lie to someone's face... It's really hard. Like my heart is breaking.... And there's nothing I can fucking do about it. Like it hurts, a lot. She's one of the only people I can actually open up to and poof she's gone...
I've legit been focusing on the fact that I lost her this entire time, and I've been driving around trying to get lost. Found some great places for people to off themselves though... Not that I would do that or anything... The thought just kind of occurs to me sometimes, that there are much better places to die than a tub, car, room, or the woods. Idk just a thought..., I'mma go drive some more. Got 3 more hours till I absolutely have to be home and I need to be somewhere else right now... Alone isn't so nice when you actually feel alone. Just saying.

'Dude this girl won't get off my Dick'

Do you know how many guys have said that in front of me while I'm working? They're talking and all of a sudden a girl comes in and they flirt with her and what not, then she leaves and they tel their buddies she won't get off their Dick.... Really?

Is it just me, or are these guys incredibly stupid and obnoxious? Like, I don't even want to know this shit, but they always make it a point to say it in front of me at my register. Maybe if you wouldn't flirt with her, and maybe if you'd just tell her you're in no way interested, then maybe just maybe she'd back off. Leading her on isn't gonna get her to leave you alone, so quit being a douche behind her back....

Also, making a remark like this about MY friends, in front of me, isn't cool. So why don't you little boys grow the fuck up and be honest with girls? Yeah, I said it. Grow the fuck up. Nuff said.

What Not to Do When Being Rung Out by a cashier...

Working as a cashier I've learned what NOT to do when being rung up, and have decided to share it with the world. I mean it's such simple things. I know we've ALL done at some point or another, and really, I think we ALL know it's either a. RUDE or b. wrong... So here's my list. Add more in comments, if I've missed something...
1.Don't THROW money
I mean SERIOUSLY. It's so simple. Don't throw you're money at us. We aren't strippers (not that there's anything wrong with strippers, but I'm sure most cashiers get pissed when money's flung at them). Either a. hand the money to us or b. lay it on the counter nicely. It's not that hard.

2.Don't lean over the counter
By leaning over the counter, you are entering our personal space. It's there for 2 reasons. To put the stuff you're buying onto, and to keep a little space between us, so we don't feel molested.

3.Don't give us attitude.
We're doing our job. If we ask for I.d., it's because we are required, by law to card you. If you don't have I.d., don't buy things that require them. Also, if you're having a bad day, and our smiling annoys you, don't treat us like we're the root of all evil. We're here to help YOU. You
could be a little more courteous.

4. Don't yell at us.
Just because we're the ones waiting on you, does NOT mean we are the reason something doesn't work. If there isn't receipt paper in the pumps, and there's only ONE cashier, don't yell at them like they caused the receipt paper to run out. We aren't aloud to leave the register. If we're alone, we HAVE to stay behind or right by the counter to wait on you. Also, some things can't be taken care of. (Such as the receipt paper running out of the pump, but the key has been broken off in one of the locks, leaving us with no way of putting more in.) We can't fix everything ourselves. Sometimes we have to call them in, which can take weeks to have someone come out and fix. All we can do is apologize, and do our best to do what you need.

5. Don't treat us like we're less than you.
We're working to keep ourselves alive, or to put a little money in our pockets, or to feed our kids. Walking in and acting like we're less than you is pretty snooty and obnoxious. We are all human beings, some of us just have to work harder, and longer, and do jobs we don't particularly like, to survive. Don't act like we're animals, or we're hoodlums. Just because we work in or around the city, doesn't mean we're street rats. It just means we have a job in or around the city. I personally commute to work daily. I may not live a life of luxury, but I make do.

6. Don't give us pet names.
We have name tags for a reason. Read them and call us by our names or don't acknowledge that we have names at all. I'd much rather be called Dez, than sweety or babe. I mean, sure if it's a woman, she can call me sweety or Hun. But I'm an 18 year old girl, so I'd much prefer that men not give me pet names. I'm sure guy cashiers can relate to this, I know plenty that hate when women call them sweety. And they don't like being called bud.

What A Day...

     Today was absolutely FANTASTIC! I went to school , which is BLAH cause I hate math, and that's ALL I'm doing right now. THEN at 1 I left early so I could go get my Bestie Angie and go to PennDot in Harrisburg. Mind you, this trip was only my 3rd time driving on a highway with just a friend or friends in the car. I really thought I was going to kill us, cause Highways creep me out... Anyway, we were on our way there, and this big rig in front of my was going soooo slow. We were doing MAYBE 50 in a 65 zone, so I passed him. He apparently didn't like that,  cause he then sped up and tried to get back in front of me. So I literally said ,"UHHH no." and sped up. ( I was in the passing lane, he was in the regular lane.) So we kept having to speed up cause he kept trying. Then I past another Big Rig and got in front of him, cause I wanted back in that lane, and I need experience driving between 2 big rigs so it doesn't freak me out. *I'm in no way AFRAID of big rigs, my dad's a truck driver so I'm used to it, I just have this fear that ones gonna tip over in front of me.* Anywho, so we're driving between two big rigs, and then what happens? The fucker that kept trying to pass me  pulls up beside us. Yep, they boxed me in. They do it on purpose to scare people. But I found it amusing. I waved and said, "well hey there." And went about my business, cause I was in no hurry to get out. WELL he sped up seeing that I wasn't freaked out, and ended up WAY in front of me. He won the race, this time. 
        So we get to Harrisburg unscathed and we're doing as the GPS says, and what does it do? It says turn left, but there was a sign that said "ALL TRAFFIC MUST TURN RIGHT" so I turned right, and it kept saying I needed to turn right to go back to that same spot. We ended up just  turning into an Advanced Auto Parts store and going right and poof we were going the correct direction. The funny thing was it took us to a train station. Yea, that's not the DMV, so we ended up at a convenient store, and being the woman I am, I asked for directions. The lady looked like an Indian, but wasn't one. She also looked like a man XD... We were going the wrong way. BIG SURPRISE. Thanks GPS for lying. SO We went back the way we came and sure enough the DMV was there. Best part? I drove the WHOLE way out there to be told, everything had been taken care of YESTERDAY! I drove out there, wasting gas, for NO fucking reason! 
        Sad thing is, I don't care. I had a blast! I drove on the highway, and got to spend time with a bestie <3 all in all it was a fantastic day...
        It could have been even better though... I COULD have been able to hang out with a certain someone, after a long day of driving. But alas, it did not happen... 


        Onto more interesting topics <3 Tosh.o posted this amazing picture today (Click the link, you know you want to) http://tosh.comedycentral.com/blog/2011/12/15/smoking-makes-you-look-cool/?xrs=synd_facebook


And an amazingly hilarious man wrote "How uncouth. I store mine in my foreskin like a gentleman of class." So when I saw some chick wrote that what he said was "Fucking Gross" I had to defend him, as he was quite the genius for coming up with such a comeback to said picture. Thus, The world got this "You sir, are a genius! Unfortunately I am no gentleman, or I too would store mine in my foreskin :D And lindsay, you obviously didn't grow up with only male role models. This man is hilarious." Because it's true... he is a friggen genius! I don't care who you are, that there's funny. 
   
      OH NO's! It's 7;30 and a certain someone hasn't texted me back. I should just shrug it off, and play it cool, but the way that person makes me smile, just by saying "hey" makes life THAT much more bearable... That certain someone will remain unnamed until further notice. All in all, it was a good day,

Dear 'Boy who sits next to me' aka Joe...

      I don't even know why I know your name is actually Joe, I was quite comfortable calling you 'boy who sits next to me. But NOOO the teacher had to say your name, before I could leave the room.
       Anyways, you sir, are an idiot... You coughed to cover up that you were taking a picture of my general direction. It was such a fake cough that I laughed AT you. Then you didn't even cough loud enough to cover up the camera noise. Really? Now, I don't know if you took a picture of ME, but uhh my general guess is that you were. Unless you were taking a picture of one of the many boys that surround me, in which case, I don't care, being a homosexual is okay by my standards. But seeing as I've noticed you looking over at ME on multiple occasions, I'm willing to bet, I am the main thing in said picture, in which case, I'm definitely NOT okay with that. You aren't ugly or anything, I just prefer not having my picture taken by complete strangers. What's even more retarded about the fact that you took my picture, is you sent it to the guy that sits diagonally in front of me. You couldn't wait an hour to show him, you HAD to send my picture to a boy sitting in front of me. THEN while I was trying to concentrate on math, which I'm in no way amazing at, you two sat and whispered to each other. UMM why? You're there to earn credits, not to sit and talk to your buddy, distracting people, like ME, from what they're supposed to be doing. If I had working headphones, I'd just bring my ipod in and ignore you, but alas, I am poor and can't afford something to block out talking, that shouldn't even be going on... 
        ANYWHOOOOO... Next time you decide to take a picture of me, don't. Cause I'll call you out on it. Kay? Thanks.

In A Nutshell, I Want to Fuck You...

            Today has been one hell of a day. Starting early this morning. I got my feelings hurt, and I got pissed all at the same time. When I'm friends with someone, I don't generally develop any kind of un-natural feelings towards them, so when I got a text this morning at like 2 that said, So, do you wanna be together sometime. I was caught off guard, and thought I was seeing things. So I asked what he meant, and then he goes (after a few texts back and forth about what did he mean) "In a nutshell, I wanna fuck you." All I could say was Oh and that it was awkward. So he goes, ha, I'm god tho. Umm what??? Sooo I sent him this ,"I have no idea what you mean by that. And seriously, I don't just 'Fuck' people, figured that'd be kinda obvious by now. Also, I have a boyfriend, so fucking is in no way an option. And I have enough respect for myself to just say good night. This. Is. An. Awkward. Convo." He replied "ha." That's it. Nothing else. Then I fell asleep, cause I was tired and didn't wanna think about that crap anymore. When I woke up this morning, I have a text that says , "We can always be discreet" UMMM No, I'm not a slut, and I don't cheat, so Why the hell would you keep pressing when I have made it obvious that I don't wanna fuck you.
            I'm an 18 year old girl, who has bigger things to worry about than having sex. 

• I'm attempting to move out
• I have a fine I have to continue paying
• I have practically no free time
• I have to get my car door and front quarter panel replaced. 
• I have car insurance issues
• I have to worry about PennDot
• I'm trying to save up for a tattoo

            So yeah, sex with you, my boyfriend, or anyone else, is not one of the things I'm worrying about. And I'm not sorry to inform you, that the fact that you kept pushing, makes you a horrible person with no morals. I don't care if you think about sex constantly. You're 23 years old. Grow up. Get a job. And just stop talking to me. 

And then he peed on my hand...

            They found a planet, that is in the habitable zone and it's 600 light years away. That's three hundred forty eight quadrillion miles away. As our space shuttles can only reach 17,000 miles per hour, which is 408,000 miles a day, it would take well over 85 billion years to get there. I guess I really am a nerd, as I sat down and did all that damn math... I must not have any kind of life. Oh wait, I do have a life. I go to school, then work, and when I'm not working I spend my time with amazing people. 
                 
                 I'm currently listening to Breathe Me by Sia and it makes me 100 times sadder than any other sad song.... It reminds me of not so long ago, when I was a self destructive scared little girl. Especially, the lines "I've lost myself again, I feel unsafe." I've never truly felt safe. Ever. Even now. I don't feel safe. Which brings me to the point of this particular blog. Bullying. It needs to stop. It needs to be snuffed out like the huge uncontrollable fire it is. 


               Sad thing is, EVERYONE knows what bullying can do to people. There's no excuse for not knowing. It hurts. I've been there, I've been the bully and the bullied. I feel horrible that I ever put someone through exactly what I went through. 
          
                I mean, how would you feel if you walked into school everyday, and everyday, you heard snide remarks about yourself. It's painful. I personally, walked through the halls like a scared little girl. It turned me into an angry hate-filled person. From like 6th grade till my very last day at my old school, I was picked on, and treated like snot. I felt lost and helpless. I'm 18 and I felt like hiding under a rock. So how I ever decided to be mean to somebody because I know how hurtful it is. So, I'm making a stand against it. I'm not putting up with this crap anymore. I've got scars, and memories to go with every single one. 
   
              So, what do you say? Take a stand? Or would you rather sit and watch our generation go even further into the shitter?

ENOUGH ALREADY!!!

 Okay, guys with baby mama's need to quit trying to get with other girls! If you got a girl pregnant, and you're "engaged" to them, then you need to grow the fuck up and stop trying to get in other girl's pants! It's not only disrespectful to your "fiance" but it also makes you a pig. Yea, that's right. You're a pig. An asshole pig. A disrespectful douche bag! 

            I'm so tired of assholes, and you guys are like the number one on the list of assholes I hate! Grow a pair and take care of your GROWING family. Be a role model for your kid! A good clean wholesome role model. You don't even have to marry the girl. Split custody if you HAVE to. But don't try to get in everybody's pants! It's stupid and childish and if you wanna be a teenager, well you should have thought about that BEFORE you got the girl pregnant. You didn't HAVE to fuck her. You could have said, "Oh well we aren't ready to be parents so let's wait till we are." It's both mature and thoughtful. Whereas now you have a kid on the way and you are now responsible for someone else's life. So again GROW THE FUCK UP! Kay? Thanks.

Way To Piss Me Off...

            Bravo! You did it. You pushed me past the point of tired and into the realm of PISSED! All because you challenged ONE thing, that NOBODY has the right to challenge. My dad's Pumpkin Pie. Yep, He and I may have our fights, and we may pretty much loathe each other at times. But he can be a decent guy. I acknowledge this fully. So when I post a status that says, "Nobody's pumpkin pie can beat his." and you open your big mouth and say, "Try my mom's once, you'll change your mind." It sets me over the edge. You assume I'm talking about how yummy it is. Trust me it's delicious. People who hate pumpkin pie, LOVE his pie, but that's beside the point.... The point is, instead of asking why I believe this, You challenged it full on. You just assumed I'd be all quiet and not accept the challenge, but assuming makes an ass of you and me, sir. And right now, you're a bigger ass than I, because you continuously challenge everything I say is amazing in my life. Always saying that whatever you have is better. I'm pretty sure you can't beat a LOT of what I find truly amazing, because yes, we're both stubborn, but I see things a shit ton differently than you. 
            Your mom's pumpkin pie is just PIE to me. I don't care if it makes people shit gold. It's got nothing on what my dad's pie is, to ME. It doesn't have a single significant thing about it, other than it's your mom's. My dad's pie has an entire level that your mom's will never have, and that's that it brings my family together. It's not the pie itself that does it, it's the work we each put into it. His pie, is the one thing that actually makes us a happy family for a very short time each year. We laugh and smile for a time that's so small, and insignificant to most people, but to me it's as though there's a small amount of hope for us. It's the ONE time a year that we all genuinely love each other, and show it. So yeah, your mom's pie can suck on that. 
             What pisses me off most is that you seem to assume a LOT about me, and what I say. You started on with the 99% shit, and honestly I find it to be a waste of people's time. The people that are out there protesting are WASTING their lives away, for what? Equality? HA! They AREN'T working. So when they gather in places, like public parks, and claim they have every right to be there, they are mistaken. They say they pay for that park. With what taxes are they paying for it? Previous ones? Previous taxes paid for the park FOR THE TIME THEY PAID THEM! They are out there for a hand out. That's it. They think the world owes them, because THEY decided to go to college, or THEY decided to have a shitty life. They government didn't say, "Hey, you HAVE to fail at life." or ,"Hey, no matter what, you HAVE to go to expensive schools to get a higher education." THEY chose that! So assuming that I'll agree with a bunch of idiots looking for hand outs, is way beyond stupid!  The tables would be turned if they went to work everyday, then went out to formed protests saying, "Yeah, I'm paying your incredibly high taxes, but I'm trying to feed myself and my family in doing so." But they aren't! They just expect to get jobs, because, THEY chose to go to school. They say that they aren't being hired. They aren't exactly trying, now are they? No. They could settle for a crappy job UNTIL they find someone willing to pay them to do what THEY want to do in life, but they'd rather form drum circles and occupy places that have some significance, but they get no respect from those of us, who hate the way things are, but still work so we can earn our living. 
            Isn't that what America is supposed to be? Isn't it supposed to be that we go out and TRY to make our lives better by EARNING what we have. Sure the older people have, they deserve what they ask for. Your 99% kids that JUST got out of college and are in debt, don't. They haven't gone out and put forth the effort to actually FIND a job. I'm willing to bet they applied and then didn't put any more effort into it at all. Which those of us who have had jobs that we actually put forth effort to get, know is beyond stupid. You apply, then a week later you call and ask about the position and make it known that you are genuinely interested. My brother, who is 25 and paying off student loans, taught me that, and he live a pretty luxurious life. He's paying off like 30,000 dollar loans and he still has time to run his OWN business, party, and buy the things he both needs and wants. He has multiple expensive computers. Expensive software. He has a cell phone with unlimited ON A PLAN, an iphone, an ipad, a macbook. He even just bought a bird. Yea, he's doing pretty damn well, for someone who's actually put forth the effort to succeed. Hell while he was in college he worked at a Wawa's as a shift supervisor, or assistant manager, or something up there. He saw even then, which is about 2 years ago, that he had to work beneath what he wanted, just so he could go out and do what he wanted. So you and your "99%" can suck on that and grow the fuck up!

Kicking Biology's Ass

       And now it shall be jinxed and I will fail the course XD.... I woke up this morning and looked at my account online, to find I've been charged 19.95 by some company, I've never heard of. So I looked back and I've been being charged by them for the past 6 months. Uhh WHAT!?!? So I googled them and it's a scam. I've been scammed without falling for a scam. WEIRD! So now I have to file a dispute against 6 charges of 19.95, which adds up to $119.70... If I hadn't have been charged without my knowledge, I wouldn't have been completely broke every damn month. SO, I think I'm going to get my money back and close the account and start a NEW one. I refuse to be charged for something I didn't sign up for.
       Anywho... I've been doing biology for about 3 weeks now, and I'm kicking it's ass. Yep, I'm saying it again. I'm getting A's and B's with only 2 D's. Which means I'm flippin' passing XD WOOT!
       Speaking of school, I've turned 1 crush into 2. How awesome is that? *sarcasm* But the second guy also goes to my school, and he smiles at me a lot. I caught him looking at me today, and he definitely looked at me :) And he catches me looking at him, a lot. I doubt I'll ever date him, it's just nice to see a cute guy noticing me for once.